I've done very little in the last month. There's been some work on Ghiroy, mostly in the plotting department which is fine, but the project just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Perhaps it's starting to frighten me? Probably not that. Probably it's that looming fear that, like everything else, I'm making something that will have almost zero appeal. Easy enough to say, "Make things for yourself." I bet not a single successful person who said that ever really thought that the project they were in the middle of was likely to bomb. Great advice in hindsight. Anyway. Whenever I've had time, I just have had no spark to draw. Nothing. I sit at the computer wanting to draw and having absolutely nothing come to mind, nothing drives me. There are many days I feel that I'm done, that I've made what it is I'm likely to make in this life and that's it. It's not depression exactly, just BLANK. The worst part is that I love to draw. I love ink on paper. There is just no passion, no ideas. In the last few days, I've done a few throwaway drawings, which I'm posting here because it's been a month since I've posted anything here at all and that bothers me. Will this change soon? I have no idea. I can't recall feeling like this ever. But my support network is essentially gone. I have my one reader here (thank you, Vince) and really, that's it. No one asks me what I'm drawing, asks anything beyond the vaguest of 'what's up' questions and, when I don't really elaborate is satisfied with "not much." All the artist friends (except Vince) are gone. Those I still speak with, again, don't show interest in what I'm doing, not doing, want to do or whatever. So I have these three inked drawings to show, which amount to nearly nothing and that's that. I suppose they're something, just not much. Not inspired, not interesting, not anything. But not nothing. I'm actually amazed that I'm typing this. Be more amazed if I post it. Sometimes now, when I look at my work, I'm a little surprised to remember that I do indeed draw. That I made that. What's with this? I don't understand.
3 comments:
maybe because i use to just draw, put it in a folder and never show to anyone or because when I did do an exhibition it was always a pain in the ass that led nowhere, I don't have a problem doing stuff for myself alone. I really like intelligent feedback but aside from you, i don't get much of that and I really don't want to spend hours of drawing time to explain why I do art at all to people who just don't understand the need to create. I often "fall out of love" with drawing, but then I switch to my 3D project or build something out of wood... or clean the house. Eventually I come back to the drawing table. Maybe you just need a longer break than normal to get the urge back. I am sick of cycling by the the fall, but come spring I can't wait to get on the road again. Anything can screw up your creativity and urge to create and it;s not always apparent why. I just thought you were putting a lot into the writing of Ghiroy which is hard to do, I know!
I've been in this funk more or less for a few years now, pretty much since the end of Tamino. I did a couple of short stories, but that's it. None of the illustrations I've done are anything to write home about or expansive, so that's why I'm getting worried or whatever. Yes, there is indeed a need to keep making something, even if it's just throwaway. It's also hard to watch so much crap get so much attention on the web and I struggle to get anything at all. I shouldn't care, but I do. Thanks, Vince and see you soon!
I've seen tons of good stuff you've done over the last few years. I wish I could draw characters like you do! I can't wait to see you, eva sabot hapless stretch wig reunion!
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