Old work. I posted a bunch of my old work to tumblr for no other reason than the fact that I had found some really old CD back ups (circa 1999) and was surprised they still worked. I was really bad at keeping records of my stuff back then and most of the scans were poorly made at 72 dpi. So I did a kind of cautionary tale for other artists telling them to do a better job than I did of documenting their own stuff. Posts arehere andhere. What surprised the crap out of me was that a lot of people, well, a lot for ME glommed onto those. I got more notes and new followers for those two posts than just about anything else. These days, I struggle to get to 5 likes on tumblr. Thing is, when I was doing the art in those two posts fifteen years ago, I was getting pretty much the same reaction then for what I get now; passing dismissal. I have no idea what to do with or about this. I like some of the old work, some of it I think is rather lacking. Doesn't matter; I don't draw like that any more. Or paint. I tried doing a little sketch in one of the old styles after I posted yesterday and it just felt wrong. I had pretty much no connection to it at all.

I always seem to do things backwards; I started with the abstract and moved slowly towards a more realistic, though still distorted general approach. Speaking with a friend about this, he claims that I'm an outlier, that I was ahead of the game. I don't know if I agree with him, mostly as my fear of ego won't let me. Still, what do I do with this? Nothing, I guess. What's left of these works are just stacks of paintings, some damaged beyond repair, that line my closet. I guess it's nice that people like them, I just wish I could get this kind of response for something I've done recently. Or perhaps I could get people to read Tamino and talk to me about it. It's very troubling. As is always the case, I can't just make something to please someone else. It feels twisted and wrong. So I guess I just enjoy the fact that, for a brief moment, some people I've never met nor will ever meet liked some of my old work well enough to let me know and move on. What else can I do?

Got sick a couple weeks ago. Sometimes, after being sick, I find myself with little to no ambition to draw anything. It makes me sad. It helps emphasize a directionlessness in me. I feel like I should be doing Something Big and of course I look back to Tamino and wonder what happened to that kind of focus and direction. Perhaps that was my one big bang. Don't know. Day to day, I feel I need to be making something, hence things like Biography, short stories (when I'm asked for them, which is very rare) and Ghiroy which, quite honestly, has suffered the most from this recent bout. Today, though, I whipped out paper and brush and made a new Marcel drawing, something I haven't done in a really long time. I think. Marcel is just joy. He's a happy guy, pretty much never down. He cheers me up. He's fun to draw. So there's this.

This is it, the final collection of the selfie project, minus the original photo that I used for reference. It's about a month's worth of work, really a little less. It's the biggest project I've completed in a long time, far bigger than the last (and only) show I put together for that bar four years ago. We'll see if anyone wants to show this. The ink drawings I'm betting will be a hard sell. I think I'm fairly well in the minority of folks who really like the look of just ink on paper. I left the pencil in, too because that's not only part of the process but there's something a little more active in the drawings with the pencil there. And since there's no white-out, no correction at all, I had to be really careful with the ink. Only made my first smudge on one of the last drawings and I managed to cover it up. This was a good thing to do over all, especially as it had me picking up the paints again. And these three came so easily for me. If it wasn't for the fact that this just adds to the PILES of completed paintings already choking my closet, I'd paint lots more. Should really do more digitally so it's not an issue but really, the feel just isn't the same. I have an affinity for the brush, not so much for the stylus.

I think this series, too showcases just about everything I love about art. There's experimentation, there's cubism, cartooning, a sort of Impressionism (hell, ALL of my work is like that as I tend to do it quickly, from observation and not from calculation). There are flowing curves and sharp angles. There are the primary colors. If anything, I think this series is a big autobiography. There's some sadness in some of the images, some humor, some seriousness. It shows a flow of time, it shows a change of moods, it shows the drive to get it done. It shows flexibility in thought and approach. I'm reading a lot into this and sounding all artsy, but it's still true. Likely only ever important to me and that's fine. So, out of nowhere, the selfie project.

#34 and the end of the selfie project. Blue. Well, it had to be as the other two paintings were yellow and red, right? What I learned from this is that the brush chosen may well totally dictate the style I paint in. Each painting was done with one specific brush. Yes, I know, one is supposed to use a series of brushes when painting, yadda yadda. I don't work that way. Don't ride a bike that way (only use one gear), don't ink that way or draw that way. Don't know why. Lazy? Don't know. I generally like to paint all at once, too but this one I needed to take a break from as I was at it for over an hour and my legs needed a rest. I know, big deal, an hour. But I spend my working life on my feet, so days off are generally to be spent not on my feet. Anyway. Used a very small brush and because of that, things got blended. And that's fine, because I wanted each painting, like each drawing to be different. I picture this as a show, deleting perhaps three of the drawings, and arranging ten drawings around each canvas, with the original photo at either end. We'll see if anyone bites.

In a rare turn of events, it seems I had another painting in me today. Like the one before it, I had a hard time making myself stop in time. Perhaps I could have taken this further, working it for hours, months but I don't know that it would have been any better. I seem to like to paint in short bursts, all at once. Over working things haven't worked well for me often. I've done a few paintings that I have worked and worked that have come out well enough. Hell, I don't know. I only live here.

#32. I knew I wanted a few paintings for this series, did this one today. I started with a totally blank canvas and mind. Pulled some paints, perhaps eight or nine colors. Ended up using four. As I laid out the maize color, I roughed in the head shape then surrounded it with white. There was a vagueness I liked about what was going on, so that dictated the direction of the painting. Not my usual approach at all and it was really hard to keep things ethereal especially while trying to maintain some kind of likeness. Also, the big decision was when to stop. It's really really easy to keep going past a point of no return. In this case, my brush was getting really nasty, so I went to wash it. When I came back to the easel, I couldn't think of anything major that I wanted to do; it would have all been about fiddling with details, which is a sure sign that one should put the brush down and back away. When I am successful in painting, this is what happens. I attack the canvas, manage, somehow, to make something I like and then I can't ever hope to duplicate the process again. Sigh.

Finished page 27 yesterday. There wasn't a LOT more to do but the details help make it, I think.

WIP of the next page of Ghiroy. It's nearly done, but I wanted to post something that wasn't the selfie project. I was worried that I'd left this comic behind, but it seems that all I needed was a little break from it. I also looked into some more current, younger folks' design work in the animation industry which goaded me into doing this. Really, the upper drawing is the direct result of this. It's more extreme than I usually draw but it helped me in the page. So I will continue Ghiroy. I just want to get to the action. That's going to be the real fun part for me to draw and the most fun. But I guess we have to have some plot first.

#s 31 and 32. Just when I think I'm done, I look through tumblr or something and get inspired to go in another direction. So I guess the selfie project is not only a meta-cubist kind of thing, using inspiration and emotion as the different aspects of looking at the same subject, it's also a kind of record of what was going through my head on that day. I'm always looking for a way to get more fluidity and action into my stuff, so when I come across something fresh, young, new, I want to give it a try though always viewed through my own filters. That's another thing this series is about, I guess; filters and how those are applied to a subject. I think that if I get some kind of show, it will have to have the original photo so that people can see what it is I got all this from. Some of these are more cartoony than others, some are more artsy. And that should be fine. It's not like there's not a precedence for cartooning in the fine arts (Lichtenstein). Of course, I'm sure that's going to be a sore point when I try and shop this around. We'll see.

Morning warm up and a little break from the selfie project. This is my buddy, the Weezil. He's really hard to draw. Youth and beauty are like that; they don't give me a lot to work with, fewer details and such. It's hard not to overemphasize the details he does have just for want of structure. I think I made him a little too old and I didn't nail the likeness, but I think it's a decent picture. I've painted him a few times in the past, too. It's a good challenge. Of course, if I took some decent photos it might help. Everything I've done of him so far has been from his selfies.

Two more for today.

I lied, there was at least one more.

#26. I think I'm getting to the end of the drawing part of this. I'd like to do about three larger paintings to complete the series.