Haven't drawn anything in far too long. Just haven't felt like it. I'd look at my old work, like it and wish there was some kind of spark of inspiration, motivation or both. A few pencil sketches I've started just sat unfinished as I just didn't feel like doing any more. Today I managed to get this out. It's not much but it's something. My inks are drying out and I can't find my #2 brush though I managed ok. I wish I did have something to say, something worth saying. Lately, I just don't. So, something.

I don't usually post photos though I really like to take them. Because of the loss of my mom, I hadn't gone through the images I'd taken during our cruise down the Danube last year til now. As it is, I think I have some pretty nice photos in there. I seem to like to get caught up in the details, very much interested in the little parts that make up a place. Italy was great for this as there were hitching rings, interesting doors, doorknobs, windows and gargoyles all over the place. The light in eastern Europe was totally amazing; but for one day, the sky was a nearly cloudless deep deep blue. It made a great backdrop for the amazing sculpture and architecture that was pretty much everywhere. These are just a few of the images I chose that will make up a photo book.

So this happened. The Lautrec thing. As soon as I did that last one, I knew I was going to do this and, once again, second guess myself. Thing is, this didn't really take any longer to do this kind of coloring than it did to render it in Illustrator. It's a very different aesthetic and, like the bunnies before this, I'm muddying things up by experimenting again. But I did it, and here it is.

Haven't uploaded anything here or anywhere in three weeks. That's not good. But I haven't really been inspired by much or motivated or whatever. Also had some good friends over for about a week from Boston which was nice. Was reading a book on Lautrec this morning and thought about trying to make PS function in his style of 'cross-hatched' oil paint. Scanning in the back of the drawing pad really helped, I think. Kept the pencil sketch layer in there as he seems to have done a lot of drawing, too. I didn't nail it, partially as I abstracted the form so much and hell, I'm no Lautrec but it was fun to do and I really should be creating more. My goal of having more posts each year in this blog won't happen if I don't make things. So, this.

Old work. I posted a bunch of my old work to tumblr for no other reason than the fact that I had found some really old CD back ups (circa 1999) and was surprised they still worked. I was really bad at keeping records of my stuff back then and most of the scans were poorly made at 72 dpi. So I did a kind of cautionary tale for other artists telling them to do a better job than I did of documenting their own stuff. Posts arehere andhere. What surprised the crap out of me was that a lot of people, well, a lot for ME glommed onto those. I got more notes and new followers for those two posts than just about anything else. These days, I struggle to get to 5 likes on tumblr. Thing is, when I was doing the art in those two posts fifteen years ago, I was getting pretty much the same reaction then for what I get now; passing dismissal. I have no idea what to do with or about this. I like some of the old work, some of it I think is rather lacking. Doesn't matter; I don't draw like that any more. Or paint. I tried doing a little sketch in one of the old styles after I posted yesterday and it just felt wrong. I had pretty much no connection to it at all.

I always seem to do things backwards; I started with the abstract and moved slowly towards a more realistic, though still distorted general approach. Speaking with a friend about this, he claims that I'm an outlier, that I was ahead of the game. I don't know if I agree with him, mostly as my fear of ego won't let me. Still, what do I do with this? Nothing, I guess. What's left of these works are just stacks of paintings, some damaged beyond repair, that line my closet. I guess it's nice that people like them, I just wish I could get this kind of response for something I've done recently. Or perhaps I could get people to read Tamino and talk to me about it. It's very troubling. As is always the case, I can't just make something to please someone else. It feels twisted and wrong. So I guess I just enjoy the fact that, for a brief moment, some people I've never met nor will ever meet liked some of my old work well enough to let me know and move on. What else can I do?

Got sick a couple weeks ago. Sometimes, after being sick, I find myself with little to no ambition to draw anything. It makes me sad. It helps emphasize a directionlessness in me. I feel like I should be doing Something Big and of course I look back to Tamino and wonder what happened to that kind of focus and direction. Perhaps that was my one big bang. Don't know. Day to day, I feel I need to be making something, hence things like Biography, short stories (when I'm asked for them, which is very rare) and Ghiroy which, quite honestly, has suffered the most from this recent bout. Today, though, I whipped out paper and brush and made a new Marcel drawing, something I haven't done in a really long time. I think. Marcel is just joy. He's a happy guy, pretty much never down. He cheers me up. He's fun to draw. So there's this.

This is it, the final collection of the selfie project, minus the original photo that I used for reference. It's about a month's worth of work, really a little less. It's the biggest project I've completed in a long time, far bigger than the last (and only) show I put together for that bar four years ago. We'll see if anyone wants to show this. The ink drawings I'm betting will be a hard sell. I think I'm fairly well in the minority of folks who really like the look of just ink on paper. I left the pencil in, too because that's not only part of the process but there's something a little more active in the drawings with the pencil there. And since there's no white-out, no correction at all, I had to be really careful with the ink. Only made my first smudge on one of the last drawings and I managed to cover it up. This was a good thing to do over all, especially as it had me picking up the paints again. And these three came so easily for me. If it wasn't for the fact that this just adds to the PILES of completed paintings already choking my closet, I'd paint lots more. Should really do more digitally so it's not an issue but really, the feel just isn't the same. I have an affinity for the brush, not so much for the stylus.

I think this series, too showcases just about everything I love about art. There's experimentation, there's cubism, cartooning, a sort of Impressionism (hell, ALL of my work is like that as I tend to do it quickly, from observation and not from calculation). There are flowing curves and sharp angles. There are the primary colors. If anything, I think this series is a big autobiography. There's some sadness in some of the images, some humor, some seriousness. It shows a flow of time, it shows a change of moods, it shows the drive to get it done. It shows flexibility in thought and approach. I'm reading a lot into this and sounding all artsy, but it's still true. Likely only ever important to me and that's fine. So, out of nowhere, the selfie project.

#34 and the end of the selfie project. Blue. Well, it had to be as the other two paintings were yellow and red, right? What I learned from this is that the brush chosen may well totally dictate the style I paint in. Each painting was done with one specific brush. Yes, I know, one is supposed to use a series of brushes when painting, yadda yadda. I don't work that way. Don't ride a bike that way (only use one gear), don't ink that way or draw that way. Don't know why. Lazy? Don't know. I generally like to paint all at once, too but this one I needed to take a break from as I was at it for over an hour and my legs needed a rest. I know, big deal, an hour. But I spend my working life on my feet, so days off are generally to be spent not on my feet. Anyway. Used a very small brush and because of that, things got blended. And that's fine, because I wanted each painting, like each drawing to be different. I picture this as a show, deleting perhaps three of the drawings, and arranging ten drawings around each canvas, with the original photo at either end. We'll see if anyone bites.

In a rare turn of events, it seems I had another painting in me today. Like the one before it, I had a hard time making myself stop in time. Perhaps I could have taken this further, working it for hours, months but I don't know that it would have been any better. I seem to like to paint in short bursts, all at once. Over working things haven't worked well for me often. I've done a few paintings that I have worked and worked that have come out well enough. Hell, I don't know. I only live here.

#32. I knew I wanted a few paintings for this series, did this one today. I started with a totally blank canvas and mind. Pulled some paints, perhaps eight or nine colors. Ended up using four. As I laid out the maize color, I roughed in the head shape then surrounded it with white. There was a vagueness I liked about what was going on, so that dictated the direction of the painting. Not my usual approach at all and it was really hard to keep things ethereal especially while trying to maintain some kind of likeness. Also, the big decision was when to stop. It's really really easy to keep going past a point of no return. In this case, my brush was getting really nasty, so I went to wash it. When I came back to the easel, I couldn't think of anything major that I wanted to do; it would have all been about fiddling with details, which is a sure sign that one should put the brush down and back away. When I am successful in painting, this is what happens. I attack the canvas, manage, somehow, to make something I like and then I can't ever hope to duplicate the process again. Sigh.

Finished page 27 yesterday. There wasn't a LOT more to do but the details help make it, I think.

WIP of the next page of Ghiroy. It's nearly done, but I wanted to post something that wasn't the selfie project. I was worried that I'd left this comic behind, but it seems that all I needed was a little break from it. I also looked into some more current, younger folks' design work in the animation industry which goaded me into doing this. Really, the upper drawing is the direct result of this. It's more extreme than I usually draw but it helped me in the page. So I will continue Ghiroy. I just want to get to the action. That's going to be the real fun part for me to draw and the most fun. But I guess we have to have some plot first.

#s 31 and 32. Just when I think I'm done, I look through tumblr or something and get inspired to go in another direction. So I guess the selfie project is not only a meta-cubist kind of thing, using inspiration and emotion as the different aspects of looking at the same subject, it's also a kind of record of what was going through my head on that day. I'm always looking for a way to get more fluidity and action into my stuff, so when I come across something fresh, young, new, I want to give it a try though always viewed through my own filters. That's another thing this series is about, I guess; filters and how those are applied to a subject. I think that if I get some kind of show, it will have to have the original photo so that people can see what it is I got all this from. Some of these are more cartoony than others, some are more artsy. And that should be fine. It's not like there's not a precedence for cartooning in the fine arts (Lichtenstein). Of course, I'm sure that's going to be a sore point when I try and shop this around. We'll see.

Morning warm up and a little break from the selfie project. This is my buddy, the Weezil. He's really hard to draw. Youth and beauty are like that; they don't give me a lot to work with, fewer details and such. It's hard not to overemphasize the details he does have just for want of structure. I think I made him a little too old and I didn't nail the likeness, but I think it's a decent picture. I've painted him a few times in the past, too. It's a good challenge. Of course, if I took some decent photos it might help. Everything I've done of him so far has been from his selfies.

Two more for today.

I lied, there was at least one more.

#26. I think I'm getting to the end of the drawing part of this. I'd like to do about three larger paintings to complete the series.

It's been a few days, mostly because of work and other necessary errands since I added to this. The rabbit I'd likely have to justify, partially because I did a version early on that shares some of his attributes but also because, well, it's a rabbit thing. Yes, it's cartoony, but it's also how I've been representing myself online and I am a cartoonist. So I think it's a valid entry. the second one is an experiment where I just inked every line I penciled. I also left out some of the details I've been putting in, mostly around the nose and mouth as well as the glasses. It's kinder in a way. Still going.

#24. This one's a little subtler. The eyes are huge and the rest of the features are compressed, but I don't think it came out as obvious as I drew it. Which is interesting. And it still looks like me.

This one is meant to have a little more movement to it.

#22. A simple turn of the inside against the outside, but I think it's kind of neat. Throws things off just enough. Also, leaving the pencil lines means more on this one because I decided not to ink what was in the lenses at the last minute so the ghost of the eye is still there.

First up is a screen shot of the whole collection as it stood before today's first addition. This is how it's meant to be seen. Each piece is fine on its own but it's the whole where I think they work best. When I look at it, my eye wanders around picking out details, choosing, comparing. That's what this is about. The really nice thing about doing self portraits is I don't have to worry about offending someone. I can bend, shape, distort to my heart's content. If this were someone else, I'd be thinking and self-editing all the time, worried that the person I was drawing wouldn't understand or take things the wrong way.

Second is today's first. It's a bit weird but I think it still looks like me, moreso than some of the others. And it expresses a liking I have for cubism, though it's not really cubist.

Needed to take a departure on the last one here because I was getting too close to repeating myself and I hadn't gone off in a new direction with this in too long. Changed the inking style, went back to a more representational approach. Same brush. It's pretty versatile. The more I look at the group as a whole, the stronger I think the project is. There are some definite favorites but when looking at them all, I think they bring something more. At least I hope they do.

This is one of those that 'surprised' me. The pencil stage was not much to look at, so I didn't scan it. Inked, though, I think it holds together well. On its own, I don't think it's all that much to look at. Minimalist style is really hard, at least for me, because I keep wanting to add more details. The last stroke was to cut the pupils diagonally just a little instead of leaving them totally round, which totally changed the mood. The nose is probably even too complex. When put with all the others, though, it does what it's supposed to; provide another viewpoint. Moving on.

Ok, this one's a weird one, the oddest of the bunch so far. I was hoping that there'd be at least one in the group that might look like someone else had drawn it. So far, this is it. If I get more like this, or at least more that feel utterly outside the way I usually do things, all the better.

#s 15 and 16 of the series. Still interested, still think I have things to say though a commenter on tumblr pointed out that one or two of them looked like they'd gone through Apple's photo booth app, which is not the intent at all. There's room for humor here, but I really want this to be about different ways to interpret the same subject. In a way, it's kind of 2D cubism, right?

#14. Guess I was feeling fat today? Mostly I'm just glad that there's still energy and excitement in me for this project. I spoke to my partner about it last night and while he doesn't care for it, he's supportive and would love to see me do a show of any kind. I think the hardest part about this whole thing will be that I seem to be a cartoonist with a fine artist's sensibility. This is not to say I think one is better than the other, but cartoonists tend to look for a style, stick with it and use that to communicate their ideas. Fine artists seem to more want to find new ways of expressing themselves and are rarely satisfied with one approach or style. My outward style is cartoony though I don't think most of these images are meant to play towards humor at all. Because of that cartoonines, though, I think they're going to be hard for people to take seriously even though I do and mean them to be. We'll see.

Ok, this is officially not my favorite of the group. I see where I was going but I didn't get there. But that's ok, too.

This one was probably the hardest to ink so far. Had to be really precise and the temptation to curve lines was really heavy. This one also surprised me. I didn't keep a scan of the pencils as I have of a lot of the others because I wasn't sure that this one was going to be all that strong. The ink made all the difference. So, #12.

#11. Last one before word. This one I think is rather silly, but there's room for humor in the series.

#10. This one surprised me. Whenever I start to do one of these, I don't really know where it's going to go. And as I do more of these, the more reason I can see to do more. While each drawing doesn't take that long, the point is the differences, the approach and how one differs from another. It's something that appeals directly to me as my projects show that I get bored with one style. This time, using the same subject, I can vent all that frustration with keeping something consistent by leaving the consistency in the pose and subject. Oooh, this all sounds so artsy fartsy.

I will say that these are harder than they look; I really can't afford a smudge, one of my usual problems, or a mistake. These can't be fixed in Photoshop and I don't want blobs of white out on the paper. Today's required a very thin line, which I didn't achieve all the way around, partially as I'm so used to putting in a lot more variance. Could have done it with the pen I suppose, but it wouldn't have the same feel and I want these to all feel as related as possible. Damn. I think I just came close to an artist's statement and I hate those.

I lied. One more for the day. This brings the total to nine so far.

Eighth version. I think I should stop for today as I want a fresh perspective for continuing to interpret this image. Took the glasses off again as it felt right.

Another take. Still going.

Another for the day, this one a bit more linear, the head more blocky. I wonder how many variations I can make while maintaining a likeness.